Coughing and Taking a Bruising

All pregnant women know that growing a little one makes them more vulnerable - and likely – to catch colds and all sorts of other minor ailments. What becomes even more despairing is that being a teacher and pregnant makes you all the more likely to catch something very unwanted. Not that it is only pregnant teachers – I’m sure there are many other professions like this . So it is that, just as the Christmas holidays are approaching, that I come down with a cough. It starts off to an extent I can manage at first – that is until Christmas Eve. At that point, I started coughing more frequently - and at random moments: Before I controlled when I coughed; Now, the cough is holding me hostage, getting ready to strike at any point. And strike it does. That night, I was up several times to a rampant, violent string of coughing attacks. As if it’s not enough that I’m getting up to go to the bathroom, I’m also now prone to this as well. In the last few days I’ve coughed so much that I’ve developed what feels like a bruising across the ribs down my left side. The pain is unbelievable, due to a combination of the persistent coughing and also the fact that baby is taking up space, pushing my organs in even closer proximity of one another. With a weaker immune system, these sorts of viruses aren’t so easy or quick to shift: I wasn’t aware of this before but a woman’s immune system becomes weaker because if it didn’t, the body would reject the fetus, as it would be seen as a ‘foreign body’. Truly remarkable.

It is a worry for any pregnant woman that any ache or pain or symptom they feel could harm their baby in some way and so I made a call to that new number – 111 - where you can get emergency medical advice without the ambulance or the hefty long wait in an A&E room – very handy for a worrier like me. I also want to check which remedies I can take and how I can ease the bruising. The nurse is lovely and very reassuring and tells me that the coughing will do no harm to the baby at all, and neither will the pain I feel on my ribs. So, are there any remedies I can take, or anything I can do to ease this pain? I ask, hopefully.

I’m told that all I can do is take paracetamol, rest and drink home-made honey and lemon drinks – things I am already doing. She then goes on to say that a pregnant woman will need to have a cough for at least three weeks before doctors will recommend any other type of remedy, as the risks are too high, which is fair enough. But… three weeks! I’ve had two weeks of this already – so I now need to go through this for another week before I might or might not start to feel better? By then it’ll be back to school and I definitely do not want to be feeling like this then!

So for now, it’s all hail to the mighty paracetamol and slightly nauseating lemon and honey brews and farewell to all those lovely chocolate and sugary treats given to me at school and by my lovely friends which I had been looking forward to on my break. I had accepted that I wouldn’t be having a glass or two of my favourite Christmas tipple (Baileys) this year but now I can’t even face a glass of my replacement - Appletizer! Unfortunately, the latter of each will have to be left on the shelf for now because I sure heck am not up to drinking or eating them (although my husband has been able to give me daily reviews on each of them). Must say, I’m very surprised there’s not a scientist or doctor out there who has not yet invented a pregnancy-friendly, cough medicine. Hmm. Something to think about!

Wobbling Along and Enjoying It

Week 24:

I’ve started to get a bump now – more evident when wearing a tight dress that I’m still holding onto even though, if I’m really honest, doesn’t really fit anymore (but I am still trying to squeeze into for that little bit longer). I bought a couple of pairs of trousers from a well-known shop brand recently – miles too big for me but figured I’d grow into them soon enough. Well, I wear them now and they are still too big – way too baggy – and I feel like I’m in a human-sized paper bag, rather than someone remotely flattering; and I, as my husband puts it, look like I’m on my way to an art workshop. After searching around the high street for maternity clothes, we couldn’t find anything that looked like it might be okay, and so it was, that I decided to look online. Didn’t take me long and – yes! Finally! Some gorgeous dresses, skirts and trousers that will look half decent. You see, now I want to show my bump, whereas a little while ago I reached an in-between stage where there was a bit of a bump but didn’t look obviously pregnant and I was of mixed minds as to whether I actually started to show it or try to cover it up. Then came along week 22 and I started embracing it a bit more. Now we hit week 25 (almost), and I am amazed at how quickly the bump is growing and I’ve now got the feeling where I’m happy to show it off. Not only am I proud, but I want people to notice it so that they might actually take a bit more care around me when pacing their way towards me in the supermarket. Lately I’ve been getting quite disorientated when out shopping and want people to take a bit of care when approaching me - I am so paranoid that someone is going to run into me or ‘oomph’ me with their trolley – not because they actually will but because I can’t move fast enough to get out of somebody’s way anymore. I’ve turned into a real slug when it comes to moving around – wobbling like a penguin and showing my annoyance by way of a tut when people in front of me suddenly stop and decide to either reverse or just stop. I just don’t have the speed to keep up with their sudden change of mind. It’s annoying in that way – particularly as I’m used to moving quickly and pacing around. On the other side of it, I am enjoying the fact that I have slowed down a lot and neither do I feel the need to race around, which is refreshingly pleasant. I can’t get up quite as fast as I used to - and it’s hard going constantly standing up when teaching a class of lively children. But I don't mind. Of course, the bump has its benefits, in terms of mobility (‘oh, I’m so tired, could I have a drink?’; not having to take part in PE training because, of course, I can’t be very active; ‘I’m not able to clean the bath – can you do it?’) Not that it’s just about those benefits, of course, but it does help to balance out the sometimes overwhelming stream of emotions and symptoms felt over the course of the nine month journey.

Tactless Parents!

Last time I talked about the butterfly feelings I thought could have been the baby moving.  Well, things have progressed since then: From what felt like butterflies has changed to what I’ve heard other pregnant women describe as ‘bubbles popping’ (I know what they mean now!) to full-on occasional little prods: What I can’t tell yet is which part of the baby is prodding me. But all in good time. And, of course, this is developing because the baby is getting bigger and, thus, mummy’s tummy bump is also getting bigger. I’m starting to feel quite good about walking around, sporting a rounded belly that isn’t caused by an excess of beer the night before or a pile of doughnuts the morning after. What I hadn’t given much consideration to is the fact that a number of mums whose children I teach day in day out would also be picking up on this new development and that I would soon be facing those parents on that one dreaded event of the year – parents evening.

“Do you think any of the parents will ask you about your pregnancy?” one of my colleagues nudged me on the morning of the first event.

“Erm…would they? Well, none of the parents know and I don’t think they would just come out and ask me…would they?” I now had a cycle of thoughts building in my mind, suddenly thinking about the possibility of that.

“Well, a couple of them might have noticed by now,” she nodded at my tummy.  “Don’t worry. Just tell them it’s none of their business,” she smiled, obviously sensing my concern.

From that moment, I dreaded the parents coming in to see me…What would I say? How would I react? I decided to let it go and just to keep every parent-teacher discussion professional, quickly changing the subject if anyone so much as hinted that I could be pregnant.

I forgot all about it and, when the time came, met my first parent outside my classroom. She happened to have her baby with her, cradling her in her arms, all dressed up in a little white polar bear onesie. “Ah,” I sighed. “She’s beautiful!”

Mum smiled. “Yes, and she’s a good girl, too. It’s lovely, having her. Well, I guess you will experience it soon too innit.”

I stared at her for a moment, considering going into denial and just saying that actually, I had been putting on a bit of weight, due to a keen love of doughnuts and sausage sandwiches. But it didn't happen that way. 

My eyes darted up and down the corridor to see who else was around. And there was another mum standing right there, her eyes already on us and, on seeing me look over, diverted her eyes down to the floor. She had heard us for sure. 

Immediately the mum who had spoken clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh. I’m sorry! I didn’t realise. You want to keep it quiet, innit.”

You could say that, yes.

The next parent to bring it up made no effort of subtlety whatsoever.

Plainly – and in front of her child – she said: “So will you be leaving school after your baby is born?”

Crikey! Said so bluntly, just like that!

I glanced at the child I teach, who smiled, as if he was also waiting for me to reply. Oh goodness. It’s bad enough that parents have picked up that I’m pregnant – but the last thing I want is the children hearing it at this stage. I don’t want them asking me about it when I’m trying to teach literacy!

“Oh…so you think that I’m…er..?” I began, unsure of how to finish the sentence.

She nodded, looking at me in a ‘of course I know, I’m not stupid’, kind of way.

“I will definitely be staying on,” I nodded slowly. Whether she meant after maternity leave or if she was assessing the impact on her child if I were to leave before the end of the academic year, I couldn’t be too sure. But I certainly felt like hiding away with awkwardness after that. Honestly, have these parents no tact! It won’t be long before it’s officially announced and then I really will feel like going into hiding: Because some parents will be ruffled by the impact that a change in teacher, before the end of the academic year, will have on their children’s learning. We will see how it goes. Ps. to husband: (Having some doughnuts on hand to munch my way through might help me get through it). 

Cramps and Kreuger

Week 18

Just like clockwork the overwhelming tiredness has died down and I’m able to work for much longer and get more things done without feeling like I want to crawl under my desk for a nap. At least I can now at least try to keep up with my colleagues. Except now the symptoms have progressed to bloatedness and leg cramps: I’ve been waking up at all hours of the night with these horrific cramps running up and down my legs. After reading that this is a common symptom, due to the lack of blood flow when laying down straight I have tried a variety of simple remedies, such as putting my feet up on a cushion, having a cushion wedged between my knees and taking a great number of night time walks around the house. With droopy eyes, I return to bed, only to wake up with the same problem a couple of hours later!

On the plus side of all this, I’m pretty sure I felt the baby move for the first time this week. However, rather than the tummy butterflies feeling that everyone talks about…it was more like Freddy Kreuger's hand running his fingers lightly and quickly across my stomach! Not exactly the lovely, exciting sensation I was hoping for, but thinking that it was probably the baby was great. I mean, it wasn’t like the grumbling you get when you’re hungry, and neither was it like gas or like pulling a muscle! And, while we’re on the subject of gas and pulling muscles, those sensations have hit me more in the last couple of months than they have in the last couple of years. You never think of a pregnant woman experiencing half of these symptoms when you see them from the outside, and I’m sure women keep all this quiet when they get the big P. Then again, they’re not exactly the kind of symptoms a woman wants to admit she’s going through and you would only really know about the true ins and outs of pregnancy symptoms if you have been pregnant yourself. Or someone very close to you has. When I told my sister, she pretty much told me I had a lot more to come, which, while not mildly reassuring, will all be worth it for what I will get at the end.

Appetite's made a comeback!

Week 14

 Since getting my appetite back, I’ve been overjoyed with the novelty of being able to eat such a wider variety of food. For the first time in a while, I look forward to the prospect of food shopping on a Friday after work, taking in all the different food, looking at what looks nice or sniffing the freshly baked bread and actually enjoying it, whereas before the smell churned my stomach.

My latest craving is cheese and pickle sandwiches – on multi-seed bread. I just can’t get enough of them. That and an occasional love of peanut butter sandwiches – for some reason I just adore them. Or rather, the baby does. I can’t help what the baby wants to eat, can I. One night it was a big piece of battered cod  that I wanted – I just couldn’t get it out of my head. And when I ate it, it was the most scrumptious piece of cod I’d ever had. Next day, and a few weeks after that, I couldn’t even bear the thought of cod. The latest fad became hard boiled eggs with salad cream…then it was scrambled eggs with pasta. Then came hot cross buns.  Ah yes, the magic of toasted hot cross buns with a bit of butter. Next it was vegetarian burgers and jacket potatoes. But the current fad is cheese and pickle sandwiches – oh – and I started making my own soup. Sweet potato and butternut squash being my favourite at the moment. Everytime I get a sniff of it, I get this almost irresistible urge just to shove it all into my mouth and slurp it down. Erm, think I’d better remember my etiquette as a well-mannered lady…Who knows what I might want to chomp on next? I just count myself lucky that I haven’t been one of those women who’ve wanted to eat something completely random like slugs or bars of soap. Yet. But I’ll keep you posted.

Bring on trimester 2!

 Week 12

Exhaustion, constipation, headaches, diarrhoea, nausea – you name it, I’ve had it. Never before did I realise how physically shattering and full of symptoms pregnancy could be. Just as I think how fortunate I am to be getting through the first trimester, gotten through my first scan with all looking positive, finally getting my appetite back – along comes a new lot of symptoms – headaches, irritability and stomach feeling like it’s about to burst. And going back to school for the start of term and toughing it out there sure does make it a little bit harder. Demanding little ones, excited and needy, while there’s me trying to battle out waves of nausea and sleepy eyes. Not to mention the paperwork demands, which have had me, like many teachers, racing to get it all done at lunchtimes, after school and then in the hours at home between making the dinner, fitting in my Pilates session and clambering into bed for a quick nap. I almost want to design a sort of bed that I can fit neatly under my desk, that I can quickly bring out at lunchtimes or after school whenever I feel the need for a light sleep. That would make life a bit easier. What happened to all of this energy I was meant to be getting back once the second trimester started? I’m not feeling the benefits of that yet! I have to ask hubby to start dinner and do the washing, because I’m just too shattered when I get home. Gone are the Friday night dancing and late nights – these days I’m ready for bed by 9 o’clock, much to my husband’s disappointment.

I guess I’ll just have to hold out a bit longer. Ride it out and remember that the worse I feel, the better the baby must feel. Right?

No massage for me!

Week 7

 It’s been a couple of weeks and as much as possible I’ve been trying to enjoy the summer holidays. Hubby and I went on a lovely spa weekend to a hotel set in gorgeous Norfolk countryside. We had a treatment booked soon after checking in and we made our way to the little waiting room. On entering, this heavenly scent of fresh fruit and citrus floats around us and the sound of soft music, like you’re in a rainforest with all of the frogs and birds moving around  you. The chairs look like they’re made of bamboo and there’s herbal tea available on tap. This is truly glorious and relaxing, I think, sitting down in a seat, lying my head back and closing my eyes, husband sat next to me.

Moments later, a member of staff pops her head round the door. Mr and Mrs Out…Ot…?” She looks round the room in question.

“That’s us,” I put my hand up and stood up.

The lady came over to us. “If you’d just like to come with us, my colleague will take you through to her room and I will take you to mine,” she looked at me.

“Oh –” my husband and I exchanged glances. “We don’t have out treatment together?”

“No, well you can, but you need to request it when you make the booking,” she shook her head sadly. We weren’t told that when we booked! Oh well.
“So I’ll see you at the end then,” I looked at husband, slightly disappointed.

But when I got into the massage room, I quickly relaxed. It was hard not to with the soft music and pleasant aromas filling the air. “So which treatment would you like?” she asked me.

“Oh, well I booked a massage actually.”

The lady checked through the form I had completed and looked at me for a few seconds before speaking. “As you’re pregnant and less than 12 weeks, I’m afraid we won’t be able to massage you, as the stimulation would be a bit too much.”

I stare at her, dumbfounded. I had no idea there would be this kind of restriction on me.

“Erm, so what treatments will I be able to have then?”

She widens her eyes at me, and hesitates. This didn’t seem promising. “Well, as we use aromatherapy oils for all of our treatments, I’m afraid the only thing you will be able to have is your nails painted. “Oh, like a manicure? That would be fine th-“

“-well, it wouldn’t be a manicure, I’m afraid. Just a nail paint,” she tried to explain.  As you’re so early on in your pregnancy, we just aren’t able to do any type of massage for you,” she shook her head. “We’ve got a lovely selection of pregnancy-free nail varnishes,” her voice brightened up. “I’ll go and get them and you can choose your colour.”

I tried to join her in the positivity. “Yeah, alright then, please.”

Off she bounced, as I sat back on the bed. Well, at least I could get my nails done. Better than nothing. If only I had thought this through earlier and checked, we could have postponed this weekend until my second trimester. I’ve been obsessed with checking absolutely everything in pregnancy – but I didn’t think to check about this! As if it wasn’t bad enough, I’m now going to be doubly obsessive about everything.

Bumping Along

Two days later and another pregnancy test done. Just to be sure. I ran out to the bathroom, filled my little pot and dipped the stick in. Wait for five minutes. I checked it over and – yes – thank goodness – the two little pink lines have appeared. Phew! Yes! Still pregnant.

It has been like this for the whole week, and this is the week I found out. I always imagined the moment when I first found out I was pregnant being such a magical time, where I got really excited and looked forward to seeing the changes that the little bean would be going through each week and seeing how my body would change. How exciting would that be! Well, the day finally came this week and – yes – initial delight as the room was filled with elated shrieks, hugs with husband and jumps of ecstatic-ness (if that could be a word)…followed by sheer panic. 

Suddenly all of these questions started forming in my mind: What if I miscarry? What if there’s a problem? How would we deal with a loss? A particular worry has been that my mum recently told me she had sticky blood syndrome and that I may develop it later in life. The plan was to get tested for it, but now that I’ve found out I’m the big ‘P’ they won’t test me for it because the results might not be accurate. Another worry to add to the list. Oh dear. Now  that I’ve found out I’m pregnant, it’s not as simple as I imagined. It’s like time has just stopped and I’m waiting for every hour, every minute to go by because every day is like a slow journey of torture as I wait for that impending scan, hoping and wondering if everything is all okay down there.

Usually, when I’m feeling a bit low or worried in some way, I tend to spend an evening at the end of a hard week having a few drinks with my husband or friends, or call a friend to talk something through. But no. I can’t do that right now, the former for obvious reasons and because, well, I don’t exactly want to tell friends and family that I’m pregnant yet. Because I think it would be worse if I told them, they then get excited and – I know I shouldn’t think negatively but it happens – I then have to tell them a few weeks down the line that, actually, I’ve miscarried. I just don’t know if I want to take that road. 

But then, if we didn’t let them know, the heartache of miscarriage would just be too much to bear kept a secret between us – we would definitely need support in that circumstance. And so it is that I am absolutely scared sh**less – you just don’t realise it when you’re seeing a friend or a relative go through the journey of pregnancy. All of the emotions and fears that are going through their minds. All you can think about is how wonderful it is for your friend, and yet, it is not until you fall pregnant yourself  that you realise just how daunting and scary it is.